Is blood thicker than water in a stepfamily?
Adele Cornish, BSW
Today’s tip begins by addressing the question: Is blood is thicker than water?
Susan felt she shared a very close bond with her stepson. She had devoted years of energy to raising him while his own mother did very little in comparison. At his wedding he promised to dance with Susan before his biological mother in recognition of all she had done. Unfortunately for Susan, this didn’t happen. She felt her stepson personally slighted her by dancing with his biological mother first. It caused a huge rift between the two. Is blood is thicker than water? Often the answer for children is ‘yes’.
Here’s what we can learn from this:
Children often remain loyal to their biological parent no matter how inadequate they may appear, and regardless of how fantastic a stepparent is.
Stepparents: Don’t try to ‘replace’ biological parent or put yourself in a position where your stepchild has to choose between you or their biological parent. The relationship you form with your stepchild can be special and unique in its own right.
Biological parents: Let your children know they are not being disloyal to your ex by forming a positive relationship with your partner (their stepparent). Give them permission to love their parent and stepparent.
Don’t run your child’s biological parent down in front of them. It causes your child to feel torn and erodes their sense of security. Children of divorce or separation need lots of reassurance that both parents love them and remain committed to them.
Children adjust the best after their parents’ separation when given regular access to their mother and father. Both have an important role to play in their child’s life. Here’s how:
Fathers: Developmental psychology shows a child’s education outcomes, distress and self-esteem are influenced by the quality of their relationship with their father.
Mothers: Studies suggests a child’s relationship with their mother influences their family ties and close friendships in adulthood.
If you need some fresh ideas on building a peaceful co-parenting relationship with an ex, click here
Warm regards
Adele Cornish BSW
Blended Family Advisor
p.s. It was Susan’s husband Peter who contacted me regarding how to heal the rift between his wife and his son. You’ll be please to know the story ended well with the relationship between Susan and her stepson being reconciled.