Are children tearing you apart?
Adele Cornish, BSW
In my last tip I made the point that as a couple, you and your partner need to be 100% committed to making your relationship succeed.
This is particularly important if you feel your children are deliberately trying cause problems and friction within your relationship.
Here’s one reply I received to my tip:
“I totally agree that both adults need to be committed to the success of the relationship to have a chance of it working. As soon as one person tunes out it reduces the success rate. There are always going to be times you are more “plugged in” than others. However you need to recognize that and do something about it! As far as children sabotaging the relationship, I don’t believe they ALL set out to sabotage. I am lucky that my beautiful stepchildren have accepted me from the beginning and comment how much happier they see my husband and I compared to their memories of their parents together.
Do our children still wish that their parents would get back together again after 8 years+ apart? Our 2 youngest do (13 and 12 years old), even though they can both say that they know it is never going to happen. My stepson said that he wants that so he does not have to go from one house to the next. It would make his life a lot easier, and I understand that completely. Children are very perceptive as well as very vulnerable, and we need to help them work through their grief and provide positive role models. They need to know the other parent is still a very important part of their lives and that they don’t have to choose.”
What’s your experience of this? Do you agree? I look forward to your response.
Warm regards
Adele Cornish
p.s. For help on how to create and sustain a great couple relationship click here
When my fiance’s boys are not home or when we are away, we get along great. The relationship itself has the potential to last, but when his kids are in the picture it all goes down the tubes. Help.
When my fiances children come over on weekends (6,8,10) we are constantly doing all kinds of projects, travelling to fun childrens places. My fiance says that he wants myself and my son to participate for the weekend. My son is 14, particulary has nothing in common with the younger kids. When we all go out my son will ask to go off on his own and go to the arcade while the rest of us go to the pool etc. My concern is that after a fun filled weekend and the children thanking us emmensily for all the fun it never fails, come Monday morning a nasty text or call comes in about why my son gets to do fun things and her children do not! I bite my tongue but am uneasy with this. We explained to her that my son is alot older and the younger kids will never be left to do things on their own. This happens alot, how do we ask the children to be honest with us, we have even discussed that the following weekend explaining to them this is not fair and that we will cease all outing unless they understand that he is older and does different things, and that they all get equal amounts of attention etcc…..
older step kids 24 and 27 27year old single with 2 small kids first year was grate till i moved in with him! i helped her with everything from paying elec bill to day care i am 58 years old and not well , she seems to think her father should babysit 24 hrs a day and give her all his money! she has been working 2 years now and cant seem to make ends meet we babysit the 3 year old and the 9 year old all last year 4 to 5 full days over nite we are finding it hard to make ends to he was out of work a year so it was just my widows benefits i was sick, then his back went! i even gave her my car to use so she could get a job and keep it for 3 months i did without. her mother lived with her at the time so i had to get along with her too right from the get go till he had got work again and i am ill and could not keep the kids all day! because her mother said iam not ill enought lol i put my foot down and said only if she worked an extra shift. meantime mike asked me to be his wife! oh god !! now she wont talk to me iam the girlfriend ,the bitch etc she wont come to our home only send the kids when she wants to go out her father goes to get the kids i sit in the car it is breaking us up ! i cant eat dinner at her home anymore we spend holiday him with his ex and kids me with my daugther and 2 days a week alone without the kids! now the 9 year old just keeps looking at me when i ask him why? he says nothing how can i go on like this 3 yrs this is not a family!!!! dont know to fix this i love him, but what will become of this!! need help