Feelings of resentment
Coping with resentment towards a stepchild…
“It helped a great deal reading about other people’s experiences and to realize that a lot of what I had been feeling was normal and I’m not alone. It gave me the courage to speak to my husband about how I had been feeling and although he was really hurt that I felt this way, it cleared the air between us.
I realize now that my feelings were less about my step daughter and more to do with the whole dynamic of our family. As one of your readers said, my expectation had been that for the first time I wanted it to be just about my child and myself but it’s about all of us. Just after I wrote to you I decided to go and have counselling which is helping a great deal. Now when I watch my step daughter and how much she dotes on my daughter as one of your other readers said I remind myself that when my husband and I are not around the girls will always have each other. Also I don’t feel so guilty that the love I feel for my step daughter is not the same as the love I feel for my child again as one of your readers said she also won’t love me the same as she loves her mum and dad either but that’s Ok it’s normal.
I found the whole the whole discussion about biology very interesting (to the gentleman who grew up on the farm). I hadn’t thought about it in that way before and it rang true to me. We love our biological children naturally but we choose to love our step children and I find myself returning to loving as well as liking my step daughter again she is a lovely person and a bright spark in our lives. It’s amazing how much we allow guilt and resentment to take over it truly can destroy our lives. Once I accepted this and stopped feeling guilty, I was able to get over it and concentrate on other more positive aspects of my life. I don’t want to feel the way I had been feeling. I do enjoy our family.
Thank you Adele and a big thank you to all who responded. I’m so grateful. Every response was interesting and helpful even if it just allowed people to get their feelings out, it makes you feel less alone in these situations. I look forward to learning more from you always.” Beth (not her real name as she preferred to remain annonymous)