Archive for March, 2010

Adele Cornish, BSW

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Expartners: Parental Alienation and its effect

Below are the responses from a couple who have experienced the devastating effects of parental alienation

Here what one stepmother had to say:

“The mother of my stepson has been intentionally poisoning him against his father since he was about 5 years old. The poisoning escalates every time a new event happens in my husband’s life (i.e. when we got married, then again when we had our first child, then again when we had our second child, etc.). Now, my stepson is so wrapped up in her lies and brainwashing that he has aligned himself with his mother and is contributing to the denigration of his father with no guilt! Although is has been 9+ years since my husband and my stepson’s mother broke up, she actively expresses that she is still upset about them not being together and tells my stepson that his dad left her and that everything bad in her life is his father’s fault. She actively pushes my stepson to lie, and my stepson makes up bad experiences at our house just to make his mom feel good. The false allegations are getting so out of hand, that we are thinking about giving up our joint timesharing so my stepson does not have to be a pawn in his mother’s war against his father. Since we have two other sons together, we cannot jeopardize them and our well being. It makes me very upset, sick to my stomach, and angry that a parent is willing to purposely destroy the relationship of their child with the other parent out of spite. It also makes me very sad because my husband is a wonderful father, and he and his oldest son will not have the benefit of having a loving relationship with each other as long as his mother continues the alienation.”

The following response is from her husband:

“Parental alienation is one of the most heartbreaking acts to witness or to be a victim of.  To see your child’s innocence and consciousness stripped away or muddled makes you feel helpless.  It is often hard to fulfill the responsibility of parenting your child while at the same time battling the effects of parental alienation.  To me, it is without doubt that being the targeted parent of parental alienation is one of the most horrific experiences possible.”

Have you experienced parental alienation?  How have you coped with it?  We look forward to your response.

Warm regards

Adele Cornish

p.s. For information and strategies on how to work towards a peaceful relationship with a difficult ex-partner, please click here

Are children tearing you apart?

In my last tip I made the point that as a couple, you and your partner need to be 100% committed to making your relationship succeed.

This is particularly important if you feel your children are deliberately trying cause problems and friction within your relationship.

Here’s one reply I received to my tip:
“I totally agree that both adults need to be committed to the success of the relationship to have a chance of it working. As soon as one person tunes out it reduces the success rate. There are always going to be times you are more “plugged in” than others. However you need to recognize that and do something about it! As far as children sabotaging the relationship, I don’t believe they ALL set out to sabotage. I am lucky that my beautiful stepchildren have accepted me from the beginning and comment how much happier they see my husband and I compared to their memories of their parents together.

Do our children still wish that their parents would get back together again after 8 years+ apart? Our 2 youngest do (13 and 12 years old), even though they can both say that they know it is never going to happen. My stepson said that he wants that so he does not have to go from one house to the next. It would make his life a lot easier, and I understand that completely. Children are very perceptive as well as very vulnerable, and we need to help them work through their grief and provide positive role models. They need to know the other parent is still a very important part of their lives and that they don’t have to choose.”

What’s your experience of this?  Do you agree?  I look forward to your response.

Warm regards

Adele Cornish

p.s. For help on how to create and sustain a great couple relationship click here