Thinking of Leaving or Divorce: Part 2

Is Leaving or Divorce an option?

What many don’t realize is that it takes on average seven years for a blended family to achieve stability and function as a unit.  If you stick at it you’ll reap the rewards.  Blending families requires time and effort but can bring  joy and fulfilment when you have a plan to unite your family together.  You DO have control over the final outcome.

It’s easy to stick with a person during the good times but the true test of a relationship is when the tough times come, and they will REGARDLESS of who you choose as a life partner

In a loyal relationship you must learn to weather the storms and I know this is really hard – but you also saw enough good in your partner to make a commitment to them.  Every relationship is a continual work in progress.  You won’t celebrate 20 years of marriage one day and say, “That’s it, from now on we’ll live happily ever after”.  Even those who have been married many years must continue to strive for a satisfying relationship.  Supporting each other through the good and the bad times is the absolute heart of it.

If you’re unsure, you need to decide if marriage or a committed relationship (not just your partner), is for you.

There are two parts to commitment.   The first is the decision to honor the commitment you made to remain with your partner for a lifetime.

The second part of commitment is not about the “head” decision that you’ll ‘stick it out’, but what I’ll call a “heart” decision.  This is the commitment to strive for a rewarding relationship.  You make the decision to put time, effort and energy into your relationship AND into being the best possible partner.

I say to those who attend my seminars that you’ll never be a perfect person or partner (or parent for that matter), but you can be a PURPOSEFUL person and partner.  You can set some goals for your relationship and work purposefully towards these.  For example, your goal might be to improve communication or the way you resolve conflict.

Commitment is easier if you first believe your relationship is worth the fight.  If the ‘loving’ feelings are not there, it’s hard to find the incentive to stay.

Is the feeling of “love” gone??

You can rekindle old romantic feelings.  If you once experienced them in your relationship, trials and tribulations may have buried them temporarily but they are not dead.  Don’t use your feelings to justify your decision to leave a relationship but as a guide to identify what needs to change to create a more satisfying relationship. 

This is pretty tough but I’m also convinced your relationship can succeed if you’re willing to give it a chance.  To have someone who has made a commitment to spend their life with you, is a wonderful blessing so why not make every effort to ensure your relationship thrives.

The thing is, it can be pretty lonely when you’re going through the tough times but I can give you an alternative to struggling along on your own – even if you’ve tried couple therapy and it hasn’t helped.  Tough times are certain but what really matters is how you get through them and that’s where I can guide you.

So, if you want your relationship to succeed click here I’d love to help you… (you’ll be re-directed to my new website)

Warmest regards

Blended Family Author, Presenter and Relationship Coach

p.s. Refer to The Blending Lives Program, Session 1 for advice on how to create a fantastic relationship and rekindle those loving feelings.